I’ll start off by saying that this is what I do, and what works for me, as well as the wings that I’ve shared this information with.
Texting is very personal. I can’t teach you how to be witty or cheeky, but I’ll do my best at giving you everything else. Or just steal my messages, why not?
Other nice guys may think much of this is“wrong” “too aggressive” “gamey” “childish” “over the top” etc.. Trust me, and the “nice guys” i’ve winged with, it's not, but it’s normal to feel that way. Give it a shot, and adjust from there.
I’m grateful for the advice I’ve received by other coaches and players, and believe that this summation of my developed and learned strategy will be useful for you.
I’m going to treat this post like a live document, and will update as needed. If you have any questions, you know how to find me.
© Copyright 2020 Mr.V Daygame
Texting is part and parcle of the modern dating process, and is unavoidable. Girls use texting as a gauge of your frame and if you’re normal or not. I do Daygame, so 95% of the work is really done in-set. If she doesn’t reply, or replies but won’t come out, it likely isn’t because of your texting.
These guidelines are what I follow in my texting, but sometimes situations are nuanced, so break where you think it’s appropriate to.
IMPORTANT MESSAGE: Many guys will “Next” girls quickly when they are either being alittle distant, giving short responses, etc. Don’t be soo quick to next, just be unaffected and proceed as normal. It could be a shit test.
A girl I dated started to behave like this after date 2. Had I “next” her soo quickly, I wouldn’t have had two amazing years with her.
That said, know when it’s time to move on, with the guidelines below as your compass.
Work is never stressful. I’m always doing amazing. I never complain. Don’t go into details about your life, leave a little mystery.
If you’re having a hard day, talk to one of your bro’s. She isn't our mother, so don't cry or stress about your problems to her.
It sounds harsh, I know, but it’s our burden as men to be strong. Woman will test our emotional strength by picking at our frame. The more she picks away, the less respect she will have for us.
This doesn’t mean you are pretending to be okay when you’re not. Just don’t harp on it. You could even brush it off smoothly like this:
Questions take value, statements add value, and in texting that feeling is amplified.
Look at any messages with girls you’ve texted. They ask very few questions. This is high value behavior, and it’s a great reference for mimicking.
So when a girl I'm texting asks me a question, the first thing that pops into my head is “She’s interested!"
I’ll keep to 3-5 messages each before sending a date invite. You don’t want to just be a fun text buddy.
I understand some of the girls we talk to are hot, and we REALLY want a reply from them, but by NOT asking questions, you’ll come across much stronger, and it will communicate a lot more about you and the strength of your frame.
Here are a few alternative messages that turn questions into statements
There are times when a question MAY be unavoidable (though you could prob reword it as a statement.) If you DO need to ask a question, avoid punctuation as much as possible.
Just the sight of “?” makes me feel like someone wants to take something from me. I also avoid “!” because it’s a bit too high energy. Game isn’t about proper grammar, so don’t be a nerd about it.
If the question you ask becomes a statement without the “?” re-word.
The other important piece of making your texts statements that don’t require replies, is that IF she doesn’t reply, sending a second text doesn’t look stupid.
This is simply about engaging a lead by sending a text, or image with a caption. I try to keep the pings relevant to what we talked about in person. If she told me she was going sailing soon, I’ll send a GIF of a boat crash with “Think you need more lessons"
Ping’s are rarely about you asking what she’s up to. They’re just you being a cool dude and sending something about what’s going on with you during your day.
I often send pings if I haven’t spoken to the girl in a couple days around 1pm. Not sure I have any scientific reason for it, but I like that it’s post-lunch and just about to start working again (ie, I might not reply quickly)
You can send text pings, but I prefer to send pings with images, because they’re more visual and less gamey. I also avoid stock images as Pings, and use photos I’ve taken. I’ll send one ping image, and then text back and forth. If the convo dies, I’ll send another ping a few days later.
Text Ping Examples - Again, I tend to avoid because they feel too gamey.
Here are some examples of real Ping images I’ve sent
Other ping texts that work well at night are short voice messages. Speak in a low and slow tone. They’re pretty cool, and a nice mix. Give it a shot.
For leads that die out, after a couple weeks I’ll send:
NEVER reenage a lead by acknowledging that she didn’t reply. You’ll instantly lose your frame.
This is weak. If she doesn’t reply, wait a few days, and send another ping. No reply? Be gone thots. Who knows, girls are random, you might hear from her in a few months. It happens.
General rule of thumb is that my messages are 2 lines max. 3 on rare occasions. Sometimes it’s not possible, and contrary to what many might say, I will double text, but only if it’s immediate. 2 smaller messages back to back looks better than one big message. You could argue her seeing 2 messages in notifications from you looks thirsty, so decide how you want to proceed.
I often spend time editing down my messages. It’s good practice to figure out how you can communicate the same information with less words. Especially when texting hotties.
Reply times are trickey. Feel it out. How long she replies + how enthusiastic her message is.
I follow this rough guideline
If we’re going back and forth, i’ll usually send messages within 10 minutes. I don’t have any scientific formula for this, other than what feels right for me.
Now, let’s say she replies an entire day later, don’t reply ANOTHER day later. Just reply about 1-2 hours later. You don’t want to fall TOO much on her texting reply frame.
The longer you reply, the better, usually, but don’t be a robot. If a girl is engadged, it’s ok to engage with her, as long as you have or are moving towards setting up the date plans.
And, if you or her are in the country/state/city for a very short time, I break these rules and usually reply in 10 minutes.
Avoid language that indicates that you “care.” This is classic nice guy behavior.
You don’t know this girl, and even if you did you’re not here to make her “feel better” over text like some beta orbiter emotional tampon.
Let’s say she lies to you and you “empathize” with her, you look like a fucking loser, because she lied, and you’re communicating you don't “get it."
Also avoid language that lacks confidence
In a similar vein to the above, I never send “lol.” It can come across as you trying to soften your statement. Either reword, remove it or include a cheeky emoji if appropriate.
I almost never compliment a girl over text, and I also almost never wish girls well. I rarely even wish them happy insert-holiday-here.
If you want to send a holiday message, do something cheeky.
Another key element in your replies, is that they should move the conversation forward. I typically avoid any agreeable type of language. It feels too soft.
Texting should be 50% cheeky/cocky-funny, 50% normal.
Texting is great because you can take a long time to reply. I used to spend hours editing messages. Practice by drafting a few variations in notes to see what feels best.
Don’t worry; You won’t lose by taking a little longer to reply.
I love using emoji’s when texting girls, but avoid over doing it. Emojis can convey emotion in a way words can't. I also like to keep to a very small selection of emoji’s, but may throw an odd one in if it’s relevant to the conversation.
My favorite emoji right now are: 😏, 🤫, 🙈, 😎
Emoji I never send: 🍆, 😘, 👍
I LOVE sending Gif’s. They work really well as a push, or to make the conversation a bit more fun. This is all about being different and fun, even if the references aren’t understood.
If she’s sick, I’ll send this GIF of Spongebob with the caption “U got the suds"
If she’s lost, I’ll send this with no caption
If she starts complaining, or trying to use me as an emotional tampon, I send this.
Avoid sexting, or being too sexually suggestive with any girl UNTIL you’ve slept with her. Even then, I try to keep those kinds of messages to a minimum.
Guys are too thirsty and want to get sexual in texts, but by doing so you only create more pressure for her to feel like she has to put out, which will cause her to flake.
Girls will often do this, and going back and forth trying to “one up” her is going to make you seem reactive. I typically give 1 or 2 replies that maintain my frame, and if she continues to battle it, i’ll either not reply and ping her in a few days, or make fun of her/tell her she’s cheeky, she’s fired, etc.
Not every text she sends needs a reply. If she’s challenging you on something, you can either talk about something else, or just ignore it and text her in a couple days.
Avoid bouncing the conversation from one topic to the next in every other message.
This is common for girls who have bad girl text game. She’ll reply to your message about topic, then ask a question about something else. It’s your job to choose one topic.
Here’s what NOT to do:
Just choose one topic, either the show or the weekend, and stick to it. By having multiple threads, it’s complicated and messy, and gets hard to manage.
What do do:
When she asks you a question, it’s often because she has bad girl game, and just wants you to reply. Don’t fall into the trap of answering her logically. This will lead to a boring conversation, and it’s your responsibility to prevent that.
Avoid becoming a text buddy. I typically stick to between 3-5 messages from each of us before sending the date invite. Once the date invite is confirmed, I typically stop texting her until the day of.
We focus a lot on the exact words we say in messages, and usually stress over sending the text and thinking “Damn, I should have said XYZ instead! That’s why she didn’t reply"
But when you’re in a good vibe, and you’ve got multiple leads, texting is easier. It’s because the vibe is different. And words are the result, not the source.
I often think in my messaging “Is a push required here? Is she asking arbitary questions (ie bad girl game) Is she being a little distant? Should I tease her? Should I give a light pull?"
By focusing on the FEELING of the texting, the words become less important to me, and easier to write. Because the vibe is the message, and the words just deliver it.
Another way to look at it, text messaging subcommunicates “body language.” Focus on how enthusiastic her message is, how invested she is, is she compliant or evasive, reply times (tho not always a good indicator) and you’ll start to develop a 6th sense.
As my primary form of dating is through Daygame, I often have a number for a girl who i’ve met, and am ready to text.
I typically send the initial opening text 1.5 days later. Meet on Saturday, send Sun afternoon. If I meet on Sunday, send Monday afternoon, etc.
The exception of course, is if she’s in town for only a few days, or im in town for a few days. If that’s the case, I’ll text 30-45 minutes after meeting her to set something up.
Some guys will text 1 hour later. I haven’t noticed any difference between texting an hour later, or a day later, other than one girl I texted the next day telling me “I was worried you weren’t going to text me.” It sets a frame of non-needyness.
Some guys worry that a day later they’ll “lose her” or she’ll “lose interest.” But that’s never been the case for me. If the interaction wasn’t good, she won’t reply no matter what.
A great spike, and to make the initial text easier, L’ll give the girl a nickname while number closing. “I’m going to put you in as Sam the Cheetah” (this often gets a giggle)
There are many different variations on the initial text that the original london daygame guys used such as:
It’s short, to the point, doesn’t require a response (as in, I’m not taking value), and gives her my name. If I did my job and she likes me, she’ll reply. The initial text isn't the reason she isn't replying. I promise.
I sometimes might even reference our conversation, or behavior in the opener, but never as a question.
If she has iMessage, there’s a new feature in iOS13 where you can automatically give contacts your name and photo - It’s a great comfort tool, and you should enable it. Indiana Jones told me she used it to look me up, and that help encourage her to come out. I accused her of being a stalker. She called it research. Cute.
It’s pretty common to get simple “It was nice meeting you too!” as a reply. Getting a reply in the first place is a great sign.
I always get excited when those come in. And when they’re enthusiastic, I get even more excited.
Now, we just need a little bit of conversation BEFORE sending a date invite. I find it a bit too rushed if you go directly for the date invite, other coaches may disagree, but I’m not a coach, I’m just a dude who’s putting in a lot of work.
Plus, again, texting is apart of the modern dating process - Get used to it!
It’s not uncommon that the girl you just met is leaving for a trip, and won’t be back for a while. Typically I’ll ping every 4 days or so, and try to keep the conversation going. Or I’ll ping in 4 days, then my follow up ping 4 days later will be about her returning.
Unfortunately, the longer between when you meet to when you see her the higher chance you won’t be able to get her out.
If you or the girl is in town for just a few days, I’ll typically text her 30-45 minutes after meeting her.
My next message will be the date invite, and take it from there. I break most rules around time delays simply because you’ve got one shot if she isn’t coming back any time soon.
Once the opening text is sent, you’ll get a variation on replies, but pretty often you see “Nice meeting you too!"
Avoid bouncing around from one topic to the next so quickly. Conversations will typically change with a natural progression.
After about 3-5 messages between us, I’ll send an invite. I avoid long text conversations, and try to get to the point pretty quickly. Strike while the iron’s hot!
My date invites are made up of three pieces:
The invite and day are usually in the first message, and the place and time is in the next message.
I only send out a date invite 2-3 days out. You can suggest a day a week in advanced, but you’ll have to do more work by pinging her in 2 days to keep the fire warm.
For first dates, I’ll only do Sunday through Thursday. In NYC, Friday and Saturday nights are highly coveted days to make plans.
I try my best to tie the conversation into the invite, so that it’s a smooth transition.
If I can’t tie it into anything, i’ll wait about an hour or two and just cut the thread. It may feel a bit awkward, but again, it’s a strong frame.
I never say “We should” because it isn’t commanding enough. We should do a lot of things, but are we going to? Make it happen!
For my first invite, I always give 2 day suggestions. It makes it easier and less needy than having to immediately follow up with another invite if they can’t do that day. Put em together and save yourself the headaches.
She can pick which one works best for her. 90% of the time, for girls who are interested, they’ll pick one. Rarely are they busy on both days, but it’s possible.
If she denies my first invite , my follow up invite will only include 1 day.
Who cares what her schedule is like? Just give her two days that work for YOU, and let her pick one.
It’s a bonus when they pick the first day you suggest, but nothing to worry about if they choose the second.
Once she confirms, i’ll send
I never say “See you...” or “I’ll meet you" Much stronger that she is meeting YOU, and entering YOUR world.
In total, that looks like this:
Another way to do it, is to spread it out over even more messages.
This is typical nice guy behavior. Once she confirms the details, that’s it. Your work is done.
Vacuum. Create tension. Develop strong frame behavior.
Nice guys will feel often feel the tension of not sending this confirmation confirmation, but don’t fall into this behavior. The date is already 100% confirmed, and if you need to follow up, you’re in double text zone.
Unfortunately, it’s not always smooth sailing. Some girls will text back and forth, and as soon as you send the invite they disappear. The biggest reason is that they just like the attention. Not every set can be won.
This is why I keep my texting to 3 or 4 messages each to not waste my time.
Some girls will shit test you, and make you sweat by waiting a few hours to reply to your invite. As soon as you send the invite it’s her turn to reply.
I stick to the 2 days I suggest, even if a girl says she can meet another day close to those days. It will seem weak if you say you can do Mon or Wed, she replies with Tues instead, and you agree. You can get back to her, but I typically shoot for another day.
It often happens with flakey girls, but when I send out my two days, I might not hear from her. So let’s say it’s Monday, I send out the invite for Thurs or Sun. If I don’t hear from her by Wed eve, I’ll send:
The reasoning behind this is to show that you don’t just wait around. You’ve made other plans, and it’s her loss that she took too long to get back to you. While it may not turn into anything, it’s still nice to maintain your frame there.
When you do hear back, keep an eye out for anything other than a solid confirmation. I call these “pre-cancellation” texts. The vibe and body language from these messages can indicate hesitancy on her part, but not always. Any variation on the following from her is typically a bad sign:
If she can’t do either day, but is interested, she’ll suggest another day. If she suggests a day thats a week or more out, I’ll initially reply with
In a few days, usually 2 or 3 days before her suggested date, I'll send
I’ve had girls deny both dates without alternatives, at which point I’ll either just not reply and ping in a few days, or reply with:
If she’s denied both dates without suggesting alternatives, roll off, send a ping, text a bit, then send another invite. If she STILL can’t meet, stop texting her. The girl in the screenshot above I stopped texting.
Maybe ping her again in a few weeks if you really liked her, but again, it’s a bad sign, and you don’t want to keep rolling off and pinging because you’re just going to be her text buddy. If a girl denies my second opportunity for a date invite, I will stop messaging her completely.
It’ll take time, but you’ll feel when a girl is a good lead. And you can compare your experience with girls who are interested, vs girls who aren’t and you’ll notice their communication style (time + enthusiasm) with texting will vastly differ.
Some times girls will just shit test the shit out of you. Here’s a great example of when the girl was shit testing me, being difficult, I didn’t act butt hurt and got her to come out that night! Some guys might have “next” her and say she isn’t interested. The obstacle is the way. And it paid off 2 dates later.
I’ll typically send one of two messages on the day of.
If she replies, it’s on. If she doesn’t reply, it’s a very high chance of a flake. Every girl I’ve ever gone on a date with, who I’ve sent this message to, replied. Some more cutesy than others!
Never under any circumstance send
Sometimes she might send something like
My typical reply is just “Cool” or “Got it." I never say “See you soon!” or “Can’t wait!” or “Awesome” or anything Nice Guy. Just acknowledge her message.
If she tells you she’s running a few minutes behind, you can say nothing if you’ve already talked that day, or “Cool” if you detect she’s trying to confirm it’s still on if you haven’t spoken.
If she tells you she’s running 10+ minutes behind, I’ll send a push.
Avoid the nice guy tendency of:
If a girl tells me she’s running an hour late, and she's really sorry about it, I might reply
If she just says she’s running an hour or more late, but doesn’t give much of a reason why, or acting kind of flakey, depending on how I feel, I might just reschedule it.
Side note: I had a girl tell me she was running late 15 minutes. I stupidly just said “See you in a bit.” 30 minutes later she texts me “heading out now. 30 min away." She hadn’t even left her house and it was 15 minutes AFTER we were suppose to meet. I felt disrespected, it put me in a terrible mood, and I should have rescheduled. Live and learn.
This is the most infuriating and heart breaking message to get. It’s tough, but it can also be a shit test to see how you react. Most guys get extremely emotional. Don’t let her see it.
Girls will often use cute emojis to “soften” the blow” but see past what she’s doing. She’s trying to prevent you from reacting poorly. Don't confuse this with her being truthful.
I try to give one pull, before abandoning hope of getting her out that night. I want to show some persistence, but not over do it.
After that, I won’t reply. I’ll ping in a few days, try to get a small convo, and try to re-invite out.
I also never send “👍” It feels too nice guy. Ignoring her message is stronger, but if not I’ll send “🤙”
If she gives some reason like being too stressed, or sick, needs to study, or whatever it may be, I never send a ping about it. This goes back to the possibility that she’s lying, and if she is, it really hurts your frame. You also come across too nice. Why be “nice” to someone who just cancelled on you. It’s disrespectful.
Remember, no empathy:
Don’t immediately “next” her. If she suggests another day, tell her you’ll get back to her. I’ve had girls cancel on first dates, but then come out later. It’s not often, but it does happen, and you should play it cool either way. Woman are emotional, and by being so quick to “next” her, you’re acting like an emotional woman. Are you PMS’ing, too??
Because I use the Magnum First Date Model, I typically get messages from the girls after the dates. It’s not terrible if you don’t. If I don’t, I typically wait 1.5 days to send a Ping.
If the date is Mon night, I’ll send the ping Wed afternoon.
Once you Ping, get the convo going, send 4-5 messages back and forth, then invite, and repeat!
Getting into a good texting flow will take some time, but hopefully the guidelines I’ve presented here will help you get there quickly. Try as much as possible to FEEL the energy and “body language” of the texts. This will help the words come out more easily.
Woman can be unpredictable. It’s not always your fault for why she doesn’t reply, or cancels. Be strong. Expect uncertainty.
And under no circumstance become a faggot, who thinks, that unless a girl treats him like Brad Pitt, she isn’t worth pursuing.
Girls live in the land of the maybe.
Good luck fellas. Don’t let me down.
© Copyright 2020 Mr.V Daygame